And then she stopped...

Errrr ughh gluuughhh...

Yeah so I've been twice since I got back from BC. I don't know what it is but I just don't want to go to yoga anymore. Just like that. Well maybe not....

After returning from my trip, I stopped being able to sleep at night. I typically fall asleep at 3am and have to wake up at 7 or 7:30 for work or volunteering. I have a lot on my mind these days and I feel awful. My diet is crap right now too. Yeah, yeah the obvious solution would be yoga! But the thing is I'm done. As passionate as I was before, I feel just as strongly that I don't want to go anymore. It's... just that way. Although I felt amazing after my classes this week it was like pulling teeth to get here. Naomi sent me a motivational text to attend a class with her and the class was amazing, but I just don't have the desire to attend anymore. Or to blog.

Instead of fighting this and pushing myself (like I always do), I'm just going to wait it out. I'm sure it will pass and I'll want to attend again. In the mean time, I'm going to try to come 3 times a week, or every other day just to keep it up. I'll have to find an activity to replace it - running? swimming? gym? but I guess the challenge is off...

It just goes to show you that things change... easily and quickly. And we must adapt.

I'll let you know what happens...

Peace Love Yoga

6. Dandayamana Dhanurasana

Dandayamana Dhanurasana is one of my favourites because it is sooo beautiful and there are many steps involved. I find the more steps there are, the more willing I am to try it, at least some of the way. According to Bikram, Standing Bow Pulling Pose has many benefits including:

• stimulating cardiovascular system
• increasing circulation to the heart and lungs
• opening the diaphragm and shoulder joints
• improving elasticity in the spine, strength and balance
• reducing abdominal fat build up
• regulating ovaries and prostrate glands
• building focus

The last benefit is key. This posture requires great determination and focus. Typically, I focus on my knee, locking it out. I find that if I keep my eyes on my knee I don't fall out as often. That being said, I fall out almost every single time, certainly once during first set. I think this is in part because I'm building strength in my standing leg as well as just losing focus and not kicking hard enough. In fact, the key to doing this posture right and holding it "forever" as my teachers say, is kicking high and hard. The most I kick, however, the more often I fall over. It's kind of funny to watch actually; I'm usually the one falling over in class.

The following is a series of pictures showing all of the steps in this posture. She looks pretty good, but remember to close your mouth!

4. Garudasana & 5. Dandayamana JanuShirasana

4. Garudasana: Eagle Pose

Note: In Bikram, fingertips should be below the nose (not above head as in picture)

Garudasana is another one of my favourites. I like it because a) I can do it and b) it shows me all the areas in my body that unaligned and out of balance. While I don't fall out of posture in Eagle Pose, my shoulders, elbows and knees are far from being in the correct places. I can also tell that one side of my body is stronger and more flexible than the other. For example, I can almost wrap my right foot behind my left calf muscle but can't even get close with the left foot. It's also much much easier for me to twist my right arm under my left. Interesting... Just recently I stopped interlacing my fingers and can now put my hands into Prayer Position. Small improvements with practice. I also like this posture because just after we have what Bikram calls "Party Time", the only official water break during the class!

Garudasana supplies fresh blood to the reproductive organs and the kidneys, increasing sexual power and control (Say Whaaat?! awesome). It helps firm calves, thighs, hips, abdomen and upper arms. It also improves the flexibility of the hip, knee and ankle joints and strengthens the latissimus dorsi, trapezius and deltoid muscles.

This video is not from a Bikram class, but the practitioner does such a good job and the scenery is so beautiful, I'm using it as my example.

5. Dandayaman JanuShirasana: Standing Head To Knee Pose

Dandayaman JanuShirasana is probably the most challenging posture for me. When I first started out I actually found the first part of this posture quite easy. Now, for whatever reason, I struggle with it every class. Dandayaman JanuShirasana in English means "Standing Head To Knee Pose" and is the first posture in the balancing series. Essentially you are balancing on one leg and trying to put your head to your knee. It's hard.

Because of its difficulty, beginners aren't expected to kick out right away. I mentioned earlier that one side of my body is stronger than the other. I am beginning to kick out my left leg when I'm balancing on my right during second set.

As far as I can go right now.

My goal right now is simply to lock the knee. Sound easy? Try it:

Shift your weight to your left leg.

Bend down and pick up your right foot, interlocking all 10 fingers underneath your foot.

Lock your left knee. You have no knee. Your leg is like a lamppost. Hold it. Meditate. Focus.

Hold it for 1 min. Then repeat with the other side. Then do both sides again but for half the time. Has your quad seized yet? Have you fallen over?

Despite its difficulty, I enjoy this posture because there is always something to improve on. It helps develop concentration, patience and determination: it is a marriage between mind and body.

Benefits

• improves circulation and flexibility
• massages digestive and reproductive systems
• strengthens muscles around knee joint
• increases pancreatic functions
• reduces diabetes
• relieves nervousness
• improves memory

This video is awesome because it shows students at all different stages! I'm at the stage where I still hold my foot up and am just beginning to kick out. You'll see people fall out. It's important to just get right back in to build up stamina.

My Practice Thus Far

Day 13

Well, I went to class sick. I was strong during the Standing Series, opting out of second set of Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee Pose. But by the time I got to Savasana, I was wiped. Not sure if it was because my nose was plugged and I couldn't breathe properly through my nose (breathing is central to yoga) or if I was just generally weak. I did about 3/4 of the floor series but did not give my best effort. I had spent the entire day in bed and ate nothing but fruit. I don't know what I was expecting to achieve in class, but I'm glad I went. I think the class accelerated my cold and I slept really well. I'll go again tonight and by the weekend I should be back in good form.

Day 14

Today I was stiff, but I managed to make it through the entire class, doing every posture. I wouldn't say I was at 110% but I definitely put out a good 85%. My nose was still super stuffed up which meant I couldn't breathe that well. That being said, it was an awesome class! My teacher Leah had just come back from teacher re-certification in LA; she said that one of her classes was heated to 138 degrees!! Ouch! And I thought 105 was HOT!

Day 15

Day 15 didn't happen... yet. I was totally stressed out today because of some possible life changing events, which I'll post about later. Needless to say I was late for my bus and then realized I'd left my teeny tiny shorts at home. So I threw in the towel and went back home. It wasn't meant to be. My cold has also gotten worse. Now my throat is sore, my nose perma-plugged and I've developed a cough... just in time for graduation!

Day 16

I went to the 4pm yesterday and despite my cold I had a decent practice. I sat out the first set of Rabbit and Bow Pulling Pose, but did well in everything else. I was exhausted afterward and had to go home and clean before picking up my mom at the airport. The next morning I took the 10am and had loads of energy all day! I normally don't feel awake enough to take that early of class, but today it seemed to work for me :)

Day 17

Took a day off for grad, but was back on again Tuesday for the 8pm. JUICY HOT and an amazing workout! I still struggle breathing (still sick) but it was great to work out with my friends, Maria and Naomi :)

Not sure what's going to happen to my plan as I'm in the midst of packing up my apartment to ship home, "entertaining" my mother and will be in BC for four days, with no chance of a Bikram workout. I will try my best to keep this going!!

FAQs

So, yesterday I came down with a terrible head cold and after leaving work early I decided to take a break from yoga. I hope tonight I will be able to go back because I can already feel stiffness returning. I'll make my best effort to even just attend and lie down if I can't breathe (nose is stuffed). What a terrible time of year to get sick... It's 32 degrees out and sunny!!

For any of you planning to try Bikram for the first time or are already reaping the benefits, you may have some questions. Essentially, I've taken questions and answers from Bikram Choudhury's website as well as some from my studio's website and placed them here. But, if you have more questions, feel free to leave them here and I can ask a teacher to answer them or give it a shot myself. :)

1. How does Bikram Yoga work?

By the tourniquet effect: stretching, balancing (using gravity), and creating pressure all at the same time. The blood supply in arteries and veins is being cut off, creating pressure. When released, a lock gate effect is created, causing blood to rush through veins and arteries, flushing them out. Also, pressure is applied to the heart by its relative position to the rest of the body.

2. Who should do Bikram Yoga?

Regardless of your fitness level, if you want to improve your health or simply feel good in your body, Bikram Yoga is for you. The series is designed for beginners as well as experienced practitioners so previous knowledge of yoga is not a requirement.

3. Is it a cardiovascular workout and can I lose weight?

You will not only work your heart but also strengthen and nourish your entire cardiovascular system because of the "tourniquet effect" created by the postures. Now matter what your level of fitness is, you will find a Bikram Yoga class very challenging. With persistence, patience, and dedication, you can lose inches, and develop muscle tone and strength that might never come from other forms of exercises.

4. How often should I come to class?

For best results, you should practice at least 3 times a week, optimally 5 times a week, so the different body parts and systems keep the benefits and continue to evolve and correct themselves.

5. What if I cannot stand the heat?

The room is intentionally heated to keep the body from overheating (contrary to popular belief). It warms your muscles, which allows you to work deeper and yet safer. The heat also helps heal and prevent injuries, and it promotes sweating which flushes toxins from your body. In the beginning you may find that the heat, combined with intense exercise, is too much for you. You can always sit through a pose if necessary during class, and then start again. Avoid leaving the room during class so you can become acclimated to the heat. You will get used to it quickly and soon will learn to love it.

6. What if I'm not flexible?

The most common misconception that prevents people from coming to yoga class. Yoga isnot about how flexible you are. It is about stretching your body and spine in all directions. All that matters is that you try the right way, go to your personal "edge", and you will get 100% of the benefits.

7. I feel nauseous and dizzy during class and felt very tired after my first class. Is this normal?

It is not unusual to feel nauseous or dizzy during your first class (and others). Practicing yoga in a heated room reveals to us our present condition, and inspires us to take much better care of ourselves.

Usually the problem is that we do not drink enough water for daily living, let alone for exercising in a heated room. In the heated yoga room, your body needs an adequate fund of water to allow perspiration to release heat from the body. So we estimate that you need 108-140 ounces (3-4 L) of water sometime during to day to allow for 90 minutes in the room.

If you feel disoriented or like you need a good nap after your first few classes, this is likely because your body has begun to cleanse itself. Don't be scared. After the first few classes, this sensation will pass. The more you can relax and give your 110% honest effort during class, the more energized you will feel throughout the class and throughout the rest of your day.

8. Does Bikram Yoga help with balancing the emotions?

Yes. Physiologically, regular practice harmonizes the nervous and endocrine systems. Practicing Bikram Yoga cultivates the mental faculties of faith, self-control, concentration, determination and patience. As we become more aware of our inner life, we notice how events, interactions, and even the atmospheric pressure affect us. When we are aware, we can exercise choice in our response. This helps us balance our emotional life.

Have any more questions??? Leave them in your comment! :)

3. Utkatasana: How Low Can You Go?

Utkatasana is the third pose in Bikram Yoga. It does not translate to "How Low Can You Go?" but does mean "Powerful Pose" in Sanskrit - and this is certainly a challening asana, requiring the balance of opposites in the upper and lower body.

Utkatasana is also known as Awkward Pose or Chair Pose and is a strong, grounding standing posture. There are three steps or "moves" in this posture that are all challenging. In the first one, you want to stick your butt out way back, to the back of the room, keeping your arms perfectly straight and keeping 6 inches between your feet and your knees. I'm not sure how long we hold this posture for, but it feels like 30 seconds. You come up the same way you went down and you never lower your arms; they're up for all three postures.

The second posture requires you to come up onto the tips of your toes. Then you sit down as if your hips were sitting in a chair. I can't get down that low yet, but I'm improving with every class. After you're in the chair you come up on your toes even higher. This is when my legs really start shaking, which apparently means I'm building muscle.

The third part is my least favourite, and thus, most challenging. With your feet up an inch, you squeeze your knees together. With your stomach sucked in you go down... all the way down, until your bum is about an inch above your heels. In second set you bounce up and down and then come up. This is the hardest part for me; I usually end up leaning forward or wobbling.

Awkward Pose aligns the whole skeletal system back into center and opens the pelvic area. It aids in digestion, helps combat obesity, corrects immune disorders, and strengthens the lower limbs while relieving sciatica.

Benefits

• Builds concentration and determination.
• Gives you great legs and arms
• Heats and energizes the body
• Strengthens and firms upper arms, abdominal muscles and all muscles of thighs, calves and hips
• Makes hip joint flexible
• Increases circulation in the knees and ankle joints
• Relieves rheumatism, arthritis and gout in the legs
• Helps to cure herniated disc and lumbago in the lower spine
• Increases inner thigh strength, promotion a healthy knee joint

I couldn't find a good video of Utkatasana, but if you want to watch the first part click here.

Inspiration

2. Ardha Chandrasana with Prada-Hastasana: Half Moon Pose with Hands To Feet Pose

Half Moon Pose

Click here to view this awesome pose in action!

Half Moon Pose

Half Moon Pose is one of the postures I enjoy the most. I think I like it because my body really opened up to it quickly. This pose gives quick energy and vitality; it improves and strengthens every muscles in the central part of the body, especially in the abdomen. It increases the flexibility of the spine, corrects bad posture, promotes proper kidney function, and helps to

cure enlargement of the liver and spleen, dyspepsia and constipation. Additionally, Half Moon Pose increases the flexibility and strength of the rectus abdominus, latissmus dorsi, oblique, deltoid and trapezius muscles.

Benefits

• Works into the whole skeletal and circulatory systems
• Opens shoulder joints
• Good for frozen shoulder
• Reduces or eliminates pain in lower back
• Good for abdominal obesity (I credit this pose to my shrinking waistline)
• Tones the spinal nerves and abdominal organs, improving the bowels
• Alleviates anxiety and reduces mental stress
• Stimulates pituitary gland

Hands To Feet Pose

Hands To Feet Pose

I struggle a lot with this pose mostly because I find it hard to grab my heels from behind. I even struggle to grab the outside of my feet and have yet to get my elbows behind my calf muscles. I've seen very little improvement in this pose and it is always challenging for me. That being said, it feels really good right after Half Moon Pose. Hands To Feet Pose increases the flexibility of the spine and sciatic nerves and most of the tendons and ligaments of the legs. It strengthens the biceps, thighs and calves. It also gently improves blood circulation in the legs and to the brain; it strengthens the rectus abdominus, gluteus maxiumus, oblique, deltoid and trapezius muscles.

Benefits

• Stimulates proper function of the pancreas, kidneys and liver
• Stretches and stimulates the thyroid and parathyroid glands
• Regulates hormone production
• Relieves back pain
• Corrects bad posture

Today is my 11th class, which means I'm 1/4 of the way through my challenge!

1. Pranayama Series: Standing Deep Breathing

This is the first breathing exercise in Bikram Yoga. The work "prana" is a Sanskrit word that refers to a vital, life sustaining force of all living begins: the breath. Pranayama is a technique used to control the movement of these vital energies within the body and in turn lead to an increase in vitality in the practitioner.

Because of sedentary habits, most people use only 10% of their lungs, never allowing the lungs to reach the maximum expansion capacity. Standing Deep Breathing teaches you to use the other 90% of your lungs. This exercise should be done before any kind of physical activity. Because it expands the lungs to their full capacity, it increases circulation to the whole body, waking everything up and preparing the muscles for action.

Click here to watch Pranayama in action! It might look easy, but nothing is easy in Bikram.

Apparently you begin to glow during exhalation :p

Benefits

• Good for lungs and respiratory system
• Helps with mental relaxation
• Helps high blood pressure
• Relieves irritability
• Good for detoxification
• Exercises nervous, respiratory and circulatory systems

Despite all of its benefits, Pranayama Series is one of my least favourite exercises. Thank goodness it's at the beginning of the class because I typically have the following conversation with myself during the series:

"Oh great, here we go again."

"Tell me about it. I hate this exercise!"

"Maybe I could slip out without being noticed..."

"Oooo and get a Frappuccino?"

"Mmmmm... Pranayama Frappuccino..."

What is Bikram Yoga?

The following information was gathered from various internet sources including Wikipedia, The Official Bikram Yoga Website, and others.

Bikram Yoga is a system of yoga that Bikram Choudhury synthesized from traditional yoga techniques and popularized beginning in the early 1970s. Bikram Yoga's goal is toward general healthiness. Classes run exactly 90 minutes and consist of a set series of 26 postues and 2 breathing exercises. Bikram Yoga is ideally practiced in a room heated to 105F (40.6C) with a humidity of 40%.

Why So Hot?

Yoga changes the construction of the body from the inside out, from bones to skin and from fingertips to toes. So before you change it, you have to heat it up to soften it, because a warm body is a flexible body. Then you can reshape it the body any way you want.

The heated studio facilities deeper stretching and injury prevention, while reducing stress and tension. Bikram claims that his system stimulates and restores health to every muscle, joint, and organ of the body. The yoga increases circulation to all organs in the body, which helps prevent heart disease and organ failure. According to Choudhury, many people only use up to 50 percent of their lung capacity and thus the lungs must be stretched in order to withstand holding more oxygen.

Bikram is a sweaty sweaty yoga. For beginners, it can be quite scary. It's normal to feel nauseous or dizzy and to want to constantly wipe your face and hands with a towel. But over time you learn to love the sweat.

The 26 Postures in Sanskrit and English. I've posted them in both languages because you hear both languages in the class. It's not important for beginners to remember the order or the names as teachers tell you exactly what to do for each posture each and every time. The postures are always followed like this; no one posture is ever skipped or changed. Each posture helps prepare the body for the next.

1. Pranayama Series: Standing Deep Breathing
2. Ardha Chandrasana with Prada-Hastasana: Half Moon Pose with Hands to Feet Pose
3. Utkatasana: Awkward Pose
4. Garudasana: Eagle Pose
5. Dandayamana - JanuShirasana: Standing Head to Knee Pose
6. Dandayamana - Dhanurasana: Standing Bow Pulling Pose
7. Tuladandasana: Balancing Stick Pose
8. Dandayamana - Bibhaktapada - Paschimottanasana: Standing Separate Leg Stretching Pose
9. Trikonasana: Triangle Pose
10. Dandayamana - Bibhaktapada - Janushirasana: Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee Pose
11. Tadasana: Tree Pose
12. Padangustasana: Toe Stand Pose
13. Shavasana (Savasana): Corpse Pose (Dead Body Pose)
14. Pavanamuktasana: Wind Removing Pose
15. Bhujangasana: Cobra Pose
16. Salabhasana: Locust Pose
17. Poorna - Salabhasana: Full Locust Pose
18. Dhanurasana: Bow Pose
19. Supta - Vajrasana: Fixed Firm Pose
20. Ardha - Kurmasana: Half Tortoise Pose
21. Ustrasana: Camel Pose
22. Sasangasana: Rabbit Pose
23. Janushirasana with Paschimottanasana:
24. Head to Knee Pose with Stretching Pose
25. Ardha - Matsyendrasana: Spine Twisting Pose
26. Khapalbhati: Blowing In Firm

Throughout my journey, I will be going through the series in more depth by writing about each posture/breathing exercise separately. I am in no way trained so I will just be getting information from various sources and posting them accordingly.

Peace, Love, Yoga :)

Well THAT Was Smart!

What happens when you mix local anesthetic with Bikram yoga? A pretty horrible practice.

At 4:30pm today my dentist gave me some local anesthetic before removing yet another cavity (I apparently have the worst teeth). Despite having a relatively slow metabolism my body seems to process anesthetic rather quickly so the dentist gave me a double dose before proceeding. The procedure was painless and quick and by 5:15 I was on my way to the studio. I've been feeling so amazing lately, it never occurred to me to take the day off.

The class started off really well, but by Tuladandasana, posture 7, something just felt wrong. The last time I visited the dentist I was shown an xray of my teeth. Apparently I have abnormally large nasal cavities which explains why I always have to blow my nose when I run or exercise hard. By posture 7 I had already used all my kleenexes. I was finding it extremely hard to breathe. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw that only one nostril was working. Over the next couple of postures I struggled more and more. Soon I was breathing through my mouth. Breathing through the mouth puts the body into fight or flight: the brain sends signals to the glands to secrete hydrocortisone and epinephrine. The release of these hormones causes changes in the body including elevated heart rate and blood pressure. By the time I got to tree pose - the second-to-last posture before Savasana - I was panicking. When my teacher asked if I was ok, I had to fight back the tears. Along with the panic a surge of emotions flooded me. Despite desperately wanting to leave the room, I laid down on my mat and focused on my breath.

I stayed in the room for the remainder of the class, opting out of the second set of two postures. By the end of the class my face was pale and I was cold... yes cold. I talked about it with Claire afterwards who agrees it probably wasn't a good idea to come to class. It's likely that the anesthetic froze part of my nasal cavity or it just took more of a tole on me than I anticipated.

To make myself feel better I am indulging in two of my guilty pleasures: a movie rental and a Spicy Crispy Role from Ottawa's best sushi joint Ken's Japanese Restaurant on Rideau. I'll see how I feel tomorrow but I think I might take the day off and return to the mat on Friday.

In the words of Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod, "Keep fit and have fun!"

Day 8

Yay! I tried a whole week of yoga!!!

With the exception of a 2-day education conference I attended in Québec, nothing got in my way of practicing Bikram every day since I started. Mind you I have a pretty sweet schedule these days:

1. Get up around 9:30/10:00
2. Meander across the street to get a coffee
3. Update blog
4. Suntan in park and read
5. Go to gym or work (3 afternoons a week)
6. Go to yoga
7. Eat popsicle

Pretty soon I will be busy again. My mom is visiting for a week for my graduation and we have plans to pack up my apartment, hike in Gatineau Park, visit le Nordik, hit a few museums and check out the neighborhoods in Ottawa and Hull that were too far away to visit during the Winter. In July, I'll be starting my Additional Qualification course - French as a Second Language 1, which will certify me to teach FSL. It's not mandatory for my new job, but I'd like to have the credentials to back me up. This course is about 5 hours a day for 5 weeks, so I will have less time to get my tan and popsicles on.

Currently my favourite posture: Camel

Changes:

• Increased muscle strength, especially my legs
• A rock-hard back! "If you have a healthy spine you have a healthy mind and happy life" - Bikram
• Incredible energy. Ya, ya, I know my schedule is pretty lax these days, but my energy is enormous. I power walk to and from class every day (1 hour) and usually do another 2-hour power walk at night to tire myself out. I recently got a Groupon for a fitness centre and hope to get rid of some energy in a Zumba or Bootycamp class.
• Decreased dependency on caffeine. Caffeine and I have always had a rocky relationship. I need it to function but it makes my stomach hurt. Right now I only have 1 small cup a day but I'm hoping to reduce that even more over the summer.
• Regularity. Yup, that's what I said. My teacher Claire said that if you practice regularly you don't need to struggle to keep your fibre in your diet all the time. 3 times a day like clockwork.
• Smaller waistline. All that stretching up to touch the ceiling and bending to the side and this and that is really slimming my waist down.
• But by far, the change I'm most pleased with is better posture. Better posture when walking, sitting, and reading has been a New Year's Resolution of mine for years.

So if these are the changes I'm noticing after just 1 week, what will I notice after 45 times?!

A boost of confidence: Yesterday, a stranger came up to me after class and told me my posture in the poses was beautiful. This made me feel great! Since starting Bikram last December I've always made it my goal to follow the dialogue exactly as it is said. I'm pretty disciplined like that. So while the depth of my expression is not incredible, my form or posture is getting there. I'm not the best, not by far and I'm probably years away from looking like a real yogini, but I am getting 100% of the benefits for my consistency in doing it right.

Need some more inspiration? Check out this 30-day challenge blog!

Until the next time :)

Things that Go Bump in the Night

Almost every night I dream, or, rather, I remember dreaming. My dreams are always vivid and colourful... and really messed up. But I don't usually have nightmares. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of nightmares I've had. When I was four I dreamt about a cat being blown up after drinking toxic gases out of a water pump - seriously, what kind of child dreams of that? A few years later, I had a recurring nightmare where I was lying on a couch in a big house with lots of sunlight filtering in. A man walked towards me and I knew if I lay still, under my Oma's blanket, and kept my eyes closed, he wouldn't hurt me. When I was 14 I dreamt that a man in black knocked on the screen door at the back of my house. I ran through the house towards the stairs, but as I ran he entered through the front door and chased me. Right before he caught my ankle I woke up.

The reason I'm writing about this on

this blog is because in the last week I have had three nightmares. Considering I've only really had 3 memorable ones in my life, I'm concerned.

Nightmare #1: I dreamt that I was a CIA agent and was in a hotel with many dark hallways and doors. The phone rang. When I answered it, the caller said something about a bomb, or "I'm going to kill you" or something equally terrifying. I knew there were people watching me in the room and if I hung up the phone I would be murdered. Now, I did recently watch the Bourne Trilogies, so maybe that has something to do with it?

Nightmare #2: I'm wandering drunkenly down the streets in downtown Ottawa. I look down and realize I have no shoes. I ask myself where my flipflops are and realize I'm going to be late for work, even though it's nighttime. I hear people's voices around me. I start to spin, everything becomes blurry, and I fall to the ground smacking my head on the concrete. I wake up.

Nightmare #3: By far the most unusual and messed up of the lot. I'm on the hill/road by my old elementary school and as I'm walking down it, I see a snake on the sidewalk. It's pink and fuzzy. It curls up in a ball as if frightened by me. I walk past it, but when I turn around there is another snake, also fuzzy, but blue in colour. The blue snake charges towards the other and bites it. I turn away and continue walking. But when I hear gasps for air I turn and see both snakes have turned into monkeys. The one monkey is bleeding profusely from its neck while the other watches with satisfaction. The sound of the dying animal makes me sick to my stomach but I can't look away. In agonizing pain, the dying monkey drags itself across the road and reaches for a lamppost, as if it's found a place where it can die with dignity. When I turn around again, the monkey has changed into a man.

All this nonsense is leading me to think a few things: 1) This yoga is literally detoxifying me and even my deepest, darkest fears are resurfacing OR 2) I'm totally sick in the head.

I researched a little about yoga and nightmares and found that it's quite common for emotions, including fears, to resurface when we do yoga. In fact, my teachers always mention that it's normal to feel emotional after Camel pose. On one particular website a student asked, "How come after I do yoga I have nightmares when I sleep at night? It's like it brings up all my insecurities and bad memories?"Another states that after her yoga class she "had a horrible nightmare that kept getting worse and worse... And it wasn't like as scary monster kind of scary. It was more like betrayal, manipulation, violence..."

Could there be a link between detoxifying yoga and what we dream about at night? Not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous about going to sleep tonight...

J

The Yoga Don

Satch, Bohot, Karwa, Hi: the truth is extremely bitter like quinine (Hindi saying).

This is how Bikram Yoga: The Guru Behind Hot Yoga Shows the Way to Radiant Health and Personal Fulfillment begins. Even before the introduction, Choudhury makes his intentions very clear: "Warning: 'I will tell you the truth'". What is this bitter truth he's talking about? The mental and spiritual crisis plaguing America. Whoa... pretty bold statement. But then again we're talking about Bikram. I've heard time and time again that the Guru is a bold, unapologetic man who will tell you the truth, not matter how bad it tastes.

Today, a teacher at the studio was telling me about her first encounter with Bikram at teacher training. In front of all of her peers, Bikram barked at her "Are you a fucking idiot? Are you? Yes, yes, you're a fucking idiot" (paraphrased). It's been said that if you attend his seminars he'll flat-out tell you what's wrong with you: "You're fat, stupid, lazy etc." Is there a method behind his belittling? Apparently. The purpose of yoga is to find peace, stillness: Nothing can steal happiness, peace away from you: if anyone does make you angry, you are the loser; if someone can allow you to lose peace, you are the loser. Bikram is simply trying to steal that peace and if you can't take it, he's won.

No doubt because of his eccentric attitude and authority Bikram has

earned the title of "The Yoga Don". The following are some of the Yoga Don's more ridiculous and colourful statements made during teacher training:

• The whole Bikram class is one big brainwashing session.
• I have balls like atom bombs, two of them, 100 megatons each.
• Nobody fucks with me.
• America's biggest problem is too much freedom.
• Western people can't meditate. In India people really can't meditate either.
• When in Rome, I must do as the Romans do. When in America, copyright and trademark.
• I'm feeling sleepy because I haven't gone shopping for a long time... I haven't bought a car for two years - no, I bought a car last month, a fancy new Chrysler.
• I should be the most honoured man in your country.
• Don't throw up on the carpet. It's new.
• Why are your legs spread? Women should not spread their legs any time, anywhere! Only in emergencies.
• Downward Facing Dog? That's not yoga. That's American circus.
• I control my kingdom like a gagster. It's the only way it works. In America your biggest problem is you have a second choice. So you have an abuse of choices and too much freedom. It's like a loaded gun in a kid's hand.
• How many Rolls-Royce do I own? I don't know. 35? I give every staff member of mine a car, something like a Jeep Cherokee. I have 17 vans.
• American Yoga teachers are clowns. Circus clowns. They completely fucked yoga. They crucified hatha yoga in America.

Gee Bikram, tell us how you really feel.

These statements are insane and inane. That being said, the yoga works. It really does. Day 4 was amazing! I did so well in my postures, especially Standing Bow-Pulling Pose. I feel energized, happy and at peace. What more could I ask for?