Things that Go Bump in the Night

Almost every night I dream, or, rather, I remember dreaming. My dreams are always vivid and colourful... and really messed up. But I don't usually have nightmares. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of nightmares I've had. When I was four I dreamt about a cat being blown up after drinking toxic gases out of a water pump - seriously, what kind of child dreams of that? A few years later, I had a recurring nightmare where I was lying on a couch in a big house with lots of sunlight filtering in. A man walked towards me and I knew if I lay still, under my Oma's blanket, and kept my eyes closed, he wouldn't hurt me. When I was 14 I dreamt that a man in black knocked on the screen door at the back of my house. I ran through the house towards the stairs, but as I ran he entered through the front door and chased me. Right before he caught my ankle I woke up.

The reason I'm writing about this on

this blog is because in the last week I have had three nightmares. Considering I've only really had 3 memorable ones in my life, I'm concerned.

Nightmare #1: I dreamt that I was a CIA agent and was in a hotel with many dark hallways and doors. The phone rang. When I answered it, the caller said something about a bomb, or "I'm going to kill you" or something equally terrifying. I knew there were people watching me in the room and if I hung up the phone I would be murdered. Now, I did recently watch the Bourne Trilogies, so maybe that has something to do with it?

Nightmare #2: I'm wandering drunkenly down the streets in downtown Ottawa. I look down and realize I have no shoes. I ask myself where my flipflops are and realize I'm going to be late for work, even though it's nighttime. I hear people's voices around me. I start to spin, everything becomes blurry, and I fall to the ground smacking my head on the concrete. I wake up.

Nightmare #3: By far the most unusual and messed up of the lot. I'm on the hill/road by my old elementary school and as I'm walking down it, I see a snake on the sidewalk. It's pink and fuzzy. It curls up in a ball as if frightened by me. I walk past it, but when I turn around there is another snake, also fuzzy, but blue in colour. The blue snake charges towards the other and bites it. I turn away and continue walking. But when I hear gasps for air I turn and see both snakes have turned into monkeys. The one monkey is bleeding profusely from its neck while the other watches with satisfaction. The sound of the dying animal makes me sick to my stomach but I can't look away. In agonizing pain, the dying monkey drags itself across the road and reaches for a lamppost, as if it's found a place where it can die with dignity. When I turn around again, the monkey has changed into a man.

All this nonsense is leading me to think a few things: 1) This yoga is literally detoxifying me and even my deepest, darkest fears are resurfacing OR 2) I'm totally sick in the head.

I researched a little about yoga and nightmares and found that it's quite common for emotions, including fears, to resurface when we do yoga. In fact, my teachers always mention that it's normal to feel emotional after Camel pose. On one particular website a student asked, "How come after I do yoga I have nightmares when I sleep at night? It's like it brings up all my insecurities and bad memories?"Another states that after her yoga class she "had a horrible nightmare that kept getting worse and worse... And it wasn't like as scary monster kind of scary. It was more like betrayal, manipulation, violence..."

Could there be a link between detoxifying yoga and what we dream about at night? Not gonna lie, I'm a little nervous about going to sleep tonight...

J

The Yoga Don

Satch, Bohot, Karwa, Hi: the truth is extremely bitter like quinine (Hindi saying).

This is how Bikram Yoga: The Guru Behind Hot Yoga Shows the Way to Radiant Health and Personal Fulfillment begins. Even before the introduction, Choudhury makes his intentions very clear: "Warning: 'I will tell you the truth'". What is this bitter truth he's talking about? The mental and spiritual crisis plaguing America. Whoa... pretty bold statement. But then again we're talking about Bikram. I've heard time and time again that the Guru is a bold, unapologetic man who will tell you the truth, not matter how bad it tastes.

Today, a teacher at the studio was telling me about her first encounter with Bikram at teacher training. In front of all of her peers, Bikram barked at her "Are you a fucking idiot? Are you? Yes, yes, you're a fucking idiot" (paraphrased). It's been said that if you attend his seminars he'll flat-out tell you what's wrong with you: "You're fat, stupid, lazy etc." Is there a method behind his belittling? Apparently. The purpose of yoga is to find peace, stillness: Nothing can steal happiness, peace away from you: if anyone does make you angry, you are the loser; if someone can allow you to lose peace, you are the loser. Bikram is simply trying to steal that peace and if you can't take it, he's won.

No doubt because of his eccentric attitude and authority Bikram has

earned the title of "The Yoga Don". The following are some of the Yoga Don's more ridiculous and colourful statements made during teacher training:

• The whole Bikram class is one big brainwashing session.
• I have balls like atom bombs, two of them, 100 megatons each.
• Nobody fucks with me.
• America's biggest problem is too much freedom.
• Western people can't meditate. In India people really can't meditate either.
• When in Rome, I must do as the Romans do. When in America, copyright and trademark.
• I'm feeling sleepy because I haven't gone shopping for a long time... I haven't bought a car for two years - no, I bought a car last month, a fancy new Chrysler.
• I should be the most honoured man in your country.
• Don't throw up on the carpet. It's new.
• Why are your legs spread? Women should not spread their legs any time, anywhere! Only in emergencies.
• Downward Facing Dog? That's not yoga. That's American circus.
• I control my kingdom like a gagster. It's the only way it works. In America your biggest problem is you have a second choice. So you have an abuse of choices and too much freedom. It's like a loaded gun in a kid's hand.
• How many Rolls-Royce do I own? I don't know. 35? I give every staff member of mine a car, something like a Jeep Cherokee. I have 17 vans.
• American Yoga teachers are clowns. Circus clowns. They completely fucked yoga. They crucified hatha yoga in America.

Gee Bikram, tell us how you really feel.

These statements are insane and inane. That being said, the yoga works. It really does. Day 4 was amazing! I did so well in my postures, especially Standing Bow-Pulling Pose. I feel energized, happy and at peace. What more could I ask for?

Why Bikram Yoga?

I first heard of Bikram yoga from a co-worker who swore by it. She had had a bad ankle and knee for years and the only thing that allowed her to walk pain free was heat and yoga. When I found out there was a Bikram studio in White Rock, BC, where I used to live, I gave it a shot! I nearly died my first class. I felt like throwing up and almost passed out. I could only do about half the postures, but left feeling beautiful and energized. I was hooked!

Since then I started going once or twice a week. At first I noticed improvements in my flexibility, stamina and strength as well as my patience and focus. Even more exciting were the benefits to my sleep and digestion. I no longer needed 8 or 9 hours of sleep and my cravings for naughty foods were gone. I craved salad in the morning and fresh fruits and veggies all day! But, after stopping for a few months when things got really hectic at school, I felt disgusting - lethargic, grumpy, and stiff. I'm hoping this jump-start will get me back on track so I can switch to the maintenance stage (2-3 times a week).

When practiced regularly, Bikram yoga helps improve, if not heal, problems of alignment, rheumatoid and osteoarthritis, diabetes, heart disease, asthma, insomnia, high and low blood pressure and more. Additionally, it helps with weight loss, relaxation, muscle strength and tone and increased balance and coordination. The idea that we can heal ourselves, without doctors, prescriptions and medicines really appeals to me. I hope that my good efforts now will serve me well in the long run.

There are some downsides to Bikram too. I sweat all the time now and almost instantaneously. Apparently this means I'm healthy, but I think it's gross. What's more, my laundry bill has increased. I have to wash all my gear after each and every class and boy does it stink! And usually the room smells too. You really have to get used to standing close to a stranger who is sweating buckets, farting, or any other normal (but nasty) bodily function.

Of course these negatives are outweighed by the aforementioned health benefits. Other perks include cute yoga gear and hot bodies ;)

For more information about the practice and its benefits click here!

Namaste!

Day 2

To quote Shakira: "I'm on tonight and my hips don't lie hoodie ho di ow ow ow!" Seriously, my hips ain't lyin': they friggin' hurt! One thing I've noticed is just how tense and tight my hips really are. This defies all logic seeing as the Good Lord blessed me with Mennonite thighs and hips.

I know you're not supposed to compare yourself to other students but while others are in perfect Tree Pose, I'm looking pretty bad.

Exhibit A: gorgeous woman in beautiful tree pose.

You see how her right knee is pointed down and and her thigh is out to the side? Well, when I'm in tree pose my knee is out straight and my thigh is in front. I know flexibility, balance and strength are all works in progress, but I can't help but notice just how much work I have to do.

I continued to notice pain in my hips during Pavanamuktasana or "Wind Removing Pose" and Dandayamana Bibhaktapada Paschimottanasana (say that 10 times) or "Standing Separate Leg Stretching Pose." Bikram says that if it hurts, it means your body needs it. So I'll keep working through these postures and try not to compare myself to gorgeous women in beautiful tree poses.

I've also worked it out that I have to go to approximately 5.2 classes a week for the next 10 weeks in order to meet my goal. For anyone who has never tried Bikram yoga, this is a lot. For those of you who have, come join me (this means you Noémie!!).

Day 3 tomorrow... wish me luck!

If your life style is too busy for a regular yoga practice, change your lifestyle - Bikram

Day 1

Ughhh... what was I thinking? Just kidding, I'm committed.

Wow, though, what a tough class. I tried to go in with no expectations but I really wanted my first day to be empowering and encouraging. Blahh! I'm so tired!!

I think the main reasons I struggled so hard in class were dehydration and poor diet. I didn't drink enough water throughout the day and I caught myself grinding my teeth the whole time. Also, I've been eating crap for like a month. Probably not a good idea. Claire, the owner of Bikram Yoga Ottawa, always talks about how important a healthy diet is to feeling good in class. Without proper nutrition, I often feel like passing out or worse during the class.

No one said I had to like this challenge, right?

Is it better to suffer for 90 minutes in 'Bikram's Torture Chamber' or for 90 years? - Bikram

The Plan

For the last eight years I have been a nomad. Since 2003, I have traveled to 33 countries and lived in 7 apartments in 4 cities in 3 different provinces. Along the way I've met some extraordinary people: students, poets, camel herders, soldiers, office workers, and endless wanderers. Wherever I have lived I have always met similar minded people - people who value freedom over money, travel over the ordinary and mundane, and good company over material goods. Well, a funny thing has started to happen to me, a shift in my philosophy of life. I've been keeping track of it, watching it creep in through my everyday decisions and the people I chose to spend my life with. I have a burning desire to be settled, to have (some) money, to have an ordinary job and a quiet, comfortable place to live with a kitchen stocked with KitchenAid appliances. No, I haven't sold my soul to capitalism; I've grown up (cue resounding sigh of relief from mother). At first I thought it was all the weddings and babies that were suddenly popping up (and out) around me: the dreaded biological clock (meh, I don't believe that for a second). Then I tried to blame advertising: that tanned girl, in the flowery romper with a straw hat, she shops at Banana Republic and she looks pretty happy. Maybe I want that, too. I'm not exactly sure what is pulling me towards normalcy, but what I do know is that I'm tired. Really tired. Like mono tired (note: I do not have mono).

Along with travel and moving, I've accomplished a lot in the last eight years. I have two Bachelors degrees and few diplomas and certificates. What's more, I have had 11 jobs and 8 volunteer positions. In between I've tackled new hobbies too: swim team, running club, origami, bellydance, Spanish lessons, photography, scrap-booking, German club and the list goes on... From the outside I must look like a lost puppy, a true jack of all trades master of none, dabbling in this and that with a finger in every pie. But it's my firm contention that I do these things because I want to do them. I am genuinely interested in many things and I like trying things and checking them off my list. Call it Type A if you want. I call it living.

But all this living has taken a toll on me and now more than ever I need a change (yes, another one apparently). With all this change and moving and new people, I've neglected my health - mentally, physically and emotionally.

Hence, my summer of savasana.

I am officially taking a break this summer and a rather long one. I'm not doing anything (read as only having two very part-time jobs, taking one online course, and moving across the country) for 3 1/2 months. Then, I'm getting a real job and a real apartment and a real life. Welcome adulthood! But, for any of you who know me well, I can't just do nothing for 3 1/2 months. I need a plan, something to do, something to check off (uh oh, it's beginning to look like I'll never break this pattern). I have exactly 68 days left in Ottawa before the big move back West and I need a challenge. So, I have decided to take full advantage of my work-share employment at Bikram Yoga Ottawa and am doing a 45-day challenge. Now, a normal Bikram challenge means going to yoga every day for a set amount of time. I may be determined but I'm also realistic: every day is just not going to happen. So I'm designing my own challenge. Since I work Sundays at Bikram I won't be taking a class on Sundays. I also have various events over the summer (eg. graduation) and will not be doing classes on those days. Sooo, with all of that in mind I will attend 45 classes in 68 days with my smiling, happy face. What's more, I will blog about my experience (good or bad) and will hopefully enlist in some support from my friends, family and online community. If you'd like to support me, just check back here often and leave a comment or two!

So, Day 1 starts today. Bikram @ 4pm.

See you on the mat!

J